Two weeks to go and guests still have not replied

Quick answer: with two weeks to go, it is not too late. Send one short, personal message to every guest who has not replied, starting with the ones who change your numbers most. Give them a clear date, tell your caterer where you stand, and plan sensibly for anyone who stays silent. Most guests have simply forgotten.

The invitations went out weeks ago, the reply date has been and gone, and your list still has gaps. It is one of the most common moments of wobble in wedding planning, and it is fixable. Here is a calm plan for the next fortnight: who to chase first, what to say, what to tell your caterer and how to plan for the guests who never answer.

Is it too late to chase guests with two weeks to go?

No. Two weeks is enough time to get most of your missing replies, as long as you start today and keep it simple. A missing reply is very rarely a snub. Guests mean to answer, put the invitation somewhere safe and then forget. A warm, direct message usually brings an answer the same day.

The one thing to avoid is waiting a few more days in the hope that replies arrive on their own. Every day you wait is a day less to give your caterer a real number.

Who should you chase first?

Chase the guests who change your numbers most, first. Work through your list in this order:

• Couples and families. One silent household can be two, three or more places at the table.
• Guests with a plus-one. You need to know whether they are coming and whether they are bringing someone.
• Guests with likely dietary needs. Your caterer will want names next to every allergy, so these replies matter twice.
• Everyone else. Then work through the rest, closest family and friends last, because they are the easiest to reach.

Split the list with your partner, or ask a parent or friend to take one side of the family. Chasing is far quicker when it is not all landing on one person.

What should your last nudge say?

Keep it personal, short and easy to answer, with a clear date. Send it to each guest on their own, not to a group chat. Two examples you can adapt:

"Hi Sam, we are so looking forward to the wedding! We are giving our caterer final numbers on Friday. Could you let us know by Thursday whether you can make it, and if you have any dietary needs? Thank you!"

"Hi Priya and Tom, just a quick one: are you both able to join us on the 31st? A simple yes or no is perfect, plus your meal choices if you have them to hand. We would love to see you."

Ask for everything in that one message: whether they are coming, their meal choice and any dietary needs. That way, nobody needs chasing twice. Our guide to chasing wedding RSVPs without the awkwardness has more wording for each round.

What do you tell your caterer when replies are missing?

Tell them early and honestly. Caterers deal with late replies all the time, and most would rather know now than find out on their deadline. Share your confirmed number, how many guests you are still waiting on, and the dietary needs you already know about, with names.

Then ask two questions: what is the latest date they can take a final number, and whether they can add a place or two after that. Every contract is different, so check yours. If your reply date was set too close to their cut-off this time, our guide on when to set your RSVP deadline explains how to work back from the caterer's date.

How do you plan for guests who never reply?

Plan with a sensible estimate, not a hope. According to the US wedding site The Knot, a good rule of thumb that many wedding professionals agree on is that around 20% of invited guests decline, so roughly 80% say yes, and you adjust that up or down for things like travel distance (The Knot, updated 27 February 2024). That is a starting point for your whole list, not a forecast for any one guest.

For the guests who are still silent after your last nudge, decide one by one:

• Close family who always turn up: usually safe to count in.
• Guests travelling a long way: more likely to be a no, so it is worth one phone call before you decide.
• Guests you rarely hear from: count them out, and tell your caterer you may need one or two late additions.

Where do couples get stuck with replies?

Usually in the same four places. The time: every chase means finding a number, writing something polite, waiting and updating the list, often late in the evening. The chasing: it tends to fall on one person, who quietly becomes the reply department. The money: a guess at final numbers can mean paying for empty chairs, as we set out in the real cost of a late RSVP. And the last-minute pressure: the final fortnight should be about the wedding, not refreshing a spreadsheet.

How does AisleReply take the job off you?

AisleReply sends each guest a personal WhatsApp message, and they reply in the chat, in their own language. Their meal choice and any dietary needs come back in the same reply, so there is no second round of questions. Gentle reminders go out on their own to anyone who has gone quiet, and you can see a live headcount the whole way through. When your caterer asks for final numbers, you have them. Our guide to collecting wedding RSVPs on WhatsApp explains more, and you can see how it works.

FAQs

Is it rude to message guests who have not replied?

Not at all. You have a deadline from your caterer, and most guests are glad of the reminder. Keep it friendly, personal and short, and make it easy to answer with a simple yes or no.

Should I call guests instead of messaging them?

A message is usually best for the first nudge, because guests can answer when it suits them. Save a phone call for the few who are still silent a few days later, or for older relatives who prefer to talk.

What if a guest says yes after we have given final numbers?

Ask your caterer straight away. Some can add a place close to the day and some cannot. Be honest with the guest about what is possible, and they will understand.

Can we treat a guest who never replies as a no?

You can treat a guest who has not replied by your final deadline as a no, as long as you have tried to reach them. A last message saying you are taking their silence as a no, and that you will miss them, keeps things kind and clear.

The short version

Two weeks is enough. Chase the guests who change your numbers most, send each one a short personal message with a clear date, tell your caterer where you stand and plan for the rest with a sensible estimate. For more planning help, browse the rest of our guides.